


Pay the Price

by hunters_retreat



Series: Further Interruptions [15]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, three days later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 19:29:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16393763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunters_retreat/pseuds/hunters_retreat
Summary: He had reached for his pen to start signing, but he froze at what he saw.Transfer orders.





	Pay the Price

It took three days for Roy to find the strength to face the world.  He was lucky that two of those days happened to be the weekend, because otherwise he’d have had Hawkeye at his doorstep to check on him. 

He couldn’t tell her what had happened and he didn’t deserve the pity she gave him every year when he stumbled back to work after what usually was a fairly hefty bender. 

Roy dressed quickly and did his best to look presentable to the public.  He was certain his team would know something was wrong but this time of year, they expected it.

They wouldn’t know how expertly he’d been coached by the Madame and her girls over the years to use makeup to cover up the bruise under his eye.  They wouldn’t be able to see that he had a cracked rib from where Ed’s automail fist had caught him in the side.  They wouldn’t know how much more he deserved than the simple beating he’d gotten at the younger man’s hands.

Roy had no idea how he was going to face Fullmetal today. 

He tried not to think about that moment.  He had no idea what Ed would do when he walked into the office.  He’d half expected an enraged Alphonse to show up at his door over the weekend, but Ed wouldn’t do that.  He’d take the fault as his own and deal with the consequences, with the pain that Roy had given him; both physically and emotionally. 

Roy had no doubt he had caused both.  He still had a hard time believing what he’d done and he still wished he understood why Ed had allowed it.  Roy was nothing to him, just a commanding officer who hadn’t done enough to protect him and his brother when they were younger.  Ed didn’t owe him anything, so why did he let Roy use him like that?

And what the hell was Roy going to do now?

Roy let out a deep breath as he walked into his office.  It was early, but he’d planned it that way.  He wanted to be there before any of the others.  If he was already embroiled in work, no one would dare to interrupt.  He had plenty of paperwork to get to and he wasn’t exactly at his best either.  Everything turned his head back to Maes and Ed.  What Maes would say if he were alive and witnessed what Roy had done. 

Though if Maes were alive, it wouldn’t have happened, would it?

Roy sat behind his desk and ran his hand over his forehead.  That wasn’t true.  Maes wasn’t the issue.  It was Roy.  It was his need to back away from everything and find release to escape his guilt and his responsibilities.  It had been so easy with the bottle, but he’d almost killed himself with it the night Ed had rushed in to save him. 

It had become too easy with Ed over the months too.  Too easy to call and have a willing body to bury himself in, to fuck away his guilt and fear and let the pleasures of the flesh remove it from his thoughts for a while.

It wasn’t about what he was escaping.  It was about how he was.  And whom he had used to do so.  He had to fix this somehow, but he didn’t know what he could do.  Nothing could fix this.

He let out a deep breath.  His thoughts were everywhere again and he needed to focus.  Maybe later he could try to tackle that question again.  After three days he was no wiser though.  Maybe it was time to make a visit he’d been dreading for a while.  Maybe he needed to sit down with Aunt Chris and have a really long talk.  She, at least, would help him.  She would kick his ass ten ways from Sunday for what he’d done, but she’d know he was asking for help in earnest.

He picked up the phone and it only took a few moments to ring through.  She answered herself, not one of the girls, which he was grateful for.  He wasn’t sure he could handle the level of bullshit he’d need to shovel to get to Chris. 

“Madame,” he said softly, “are you able to talk tonight?” 

It was a simple conversation.  A time and place.  He’d spill his guts and she’d rake him through the fire for his actions, but she would help him find a way through this.  With that resolved, he hung up the phone and turned to the files on his desk.

There was a large stack of regular folders but one sat alone, ready to be turned open.  It must have been urgent for Hawkeye to leave it like that and he opened it quickly to begin the day.

He had reached for his pen to start signing, but he froze at what he saw. 

Transfer orders. 

A request from Intelligence to have Fullmetal under Armstrong’s division for immediate assignment.  According to the note in Hawkeye’s handwriting, Ed had told Armstrong he’d already approved it, he just needed the forms.  And Ed had already left the country on his new mission.

He pushed away from his desk and grabbed his jacket without thinking.  He couldn’t wait.  He’d forced the strongest man he’d ever met to run.  Because Ed wouldn’t fight him.  Ed just kept taking whatever Roy dished out and he never once backed down. 

Because while Mustang had kept Ed packed into a neat little box of subordinate at work and fuck buddy at need, Ed had always seen him as something more.  Roy had closed his eyes and pretended not to see, but it was there. 

He got in the car, pulled away from Central Command quickly, and made his way to Madame’s place in just a few minutes.  They were closed in the morning hours but Roy let himself in with his key and he walked back to the rooms Madame kept for herself. 

He knocked on her door and she opened it, wide eyed and more surprised than he’d ever seen her.

“Roy-boy, I thought we agreed to talk tonight.”

“I fucked up.  Chris,” he closed his eyes and let out a deep breath.  “I need your help.”

“What’s this about?”

“Ed Elric.”

“The Fullmetal kid?  What the hell did you do?”

She pulled him into her rooms and he sunk down onto the couch and buried his head in his hands.  She sat next to him and he didn’t know how to start.  He had to though.  Someone needed to know.

“I tried to bury the bottle.”

“That’s good Roy.”

“It’s not.  I just replaced it with him.”

“And he figured it out?”

“He knew all along.  I … I took it too far.”

He could feel her disapproval and he didn’t shy away from her piercing gaze.  She knew what he meant.  She knew, better than anyone, the sort of rage and darkness that filled him where most people didn’t look.  

“Is Ed okay?”

“He left the country.  He had someone else come by with the transfer papers so he didn’t have to face me again.”

“And this?” she asked.  She touched his face where he was certain her expert eyes had caught the trace of makeup.  He flinched away from her and she frowned.

“Not even close to what I deserve.”

“Oh, my Roy-Boy, you never did know how to do anything the easy way.”

He didn’t want to hear the softness in her tone, but she’d been a mother to him for most of his life.  She knew, no matter how dark he got, that he always tried to bury it and look for a way to brighten the world around him.  There were some things he couldn’t escape from but she was still there for him.  She had loved him when the rest of the world didn’t know who he was, and she would continue to love him as he fought to make the world a better place.

She wrapped an arm around him and Roy let himself take comfort in her embrace.  He didn’t deserve it but telling her the truth was the first step to figuring this out and he let himself take whatever solace he could. 

The day would be long, the price would be high, but he would pay it and make sure that Fullmetal never had to again. 

 

 


End file.
